. amanda .
. 24th Nov '88 .
. Sagittarus .
. NYPian .
. [AF 0501] .
. ex-SACian .
. ex-SJCian .
. ex-MJCian .
a b o u t ;
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Thursday, January 29, 2004
long time no write le... heez... didnt noe wat 2 sae...
chi new is still on... 1st time i act talked 2 my mum's side e cousin sia...cos last time always find him v naughty...bt aft he went sec sch i tink he became more guai...haha...ppl change in sec sch ba....bt his sis like still e same...so quiet...haha... anyway they all younger den mi... heez...
hmm... didnt get a lot of $$ bt den i dun reali bother...bt horz kinda heart pain 4 my mum...cos i tink she lost $$ she gave e ppl a quite a lot...den we gt back so little...haiz...nvm lo...tt's life...its nv fair...i gave my parents all my ang bao $$ unwillingly *sob sob* haha...bt oh well...nvm la...@ least im tryin 2 save up some $$ 4 my own use...heez...
need 2 start workin super hard le...though i tink its v late...haiz...bt i still slackin...argh!!
amanda >.<
i wanna run away... far far away...
thinking of you @ 5:45 PM
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
guess u wun b readin till veri long ba... been feelin happy dis few days @ least we gt tok... share... hmm... we may nt b as close as last yr yet... bt i tink we r tryin rite? tt's gd enough... let work hard 2gether... missin u always..
2day new yr eve le...heez... so happy!! kind of la... i feel kinda sianz dun feel like goin relatives there... cos i will feel so damn left out... haiz... wat 2 do? nvm i shall bring hw go there do... haha... dun noe if im allowed 2 do tt... haha...
2day in sch had fun sia... e whole sch cheered so loud... haha... a lot of ppl still in camp mood... cos its sec1-3 ma... dun noe abt e sec4-5 haha... bt den reali had fun... den we choir sang... i tink its quite bad lo... haha... cos a bit soft... so damn paiseh sia... haha... many of e teachers dress till so nice sia... mrs A tan... n more... heez... den gt 1 of e teacher is our ex-prefect... she last time fr exco de wor... she v chio leh... den is natalie's sis... so cool... i 2day den found out... they 2 like so diff sia.. haha... oh well... =Þ
piano^gal >.<
*~* happy new yr every1!!! *~*
thinking of you @ 2:14 PM
Sunday, January 18, 2004
hmm... gt back tt sad depressin feelin again... haiz... hmm... sometimes i reali dun noe wat 2 do..wat 2 sae 2 u... wat u r thinkin... i dun tink i haf ever noe wat u tinkin... haiz... wat is happenin 2 us? i dun noe... i reali wanted 2 spend ur bday wif u... bt i understand tt ur frd dun wan mi 2 join... act i noe i wld b a left out... cos i dun noe... tings seem diff w u n mi le... even we cant tok 2 each other... i reali dun noe wat 2 say 2 u... reali... im lost 4 words when wif u... mayb tt's y im tryin 2 avoid... sori... i noe its not goin 2 help... suddenly i feel tt im not worthy of ur frdship... haiz... yet i wan ur frdship... i feel so lonely in sch sometimes... do u? i feel sth missin... i laugh yet im not happy... haiz...
hmm... juz hope u can find ur happiness... i will still try 2 overcome my fears of nt able 2 communicate wif u... n try 2 get closer 2 u... gif mi some time ya??
piano^gal >.<
*CrY Ur ("v")s OuT...*
thinking of you @ 3:31 PM
Friday, January 16, 2004
2day had a course... find it quite interestin... haha... had fun... esp when doin e dancin... haha... e instrutor was v funny lo... haha... den had 2 do tings i dun dare do de... haha... cos paiseh ma... haha... den we wore office clothes 2 sch... den every1 like goin work or out instead of goin sch... haha... den some dress reali nice lo... nt like mi...so ugly... haha... nvm la... i used 2 being ugly anyway...
did i make u angry?? nowadays u seem v easily irritated n angry... or mayb u r not... bt ur body language tells mi u r angry i noe i haven been spendin a lot of time wif u... bt den i scared when wif u i will make u angry... n we always keep quiet... do u get mi? i dun noe wat is happenin 2 us... mind tellin mi? do i always make u angry? i noe i v irritatin...
i muz reali buck up le... bt cant seem 2 find e rite person 2 reali encourage mi...
piano^gal >.<
~+~ in life we muz stand on our own 2 feet... ~+~
thinking of you @ 4:58 PM
Thursday, January 15, 2004
now feelin so damn alone... i hate tt feelin... haiz...
tryin 2 fit into my class... so tt i wun feel alone... bt den when i come hm i dun noe hu 2 turn 2 4 comfort... haiz... i noe i veri silly... bt tt's reali hw i feel... im tryin 2 fit into place since we drifted... bt seem 2 fail... still tryin though...
tinkin abt my love life... my frdz... my fam... my studies... my piano... haiz... i feel like im a failure...
2day went 4 e 'body worlds' ting in expo... kinda disgusted... bt interesting 2... esp e babies tt part... feel sori 4 those ppl 2 bt den... i believe in fate ba...
suddenlly wished my sis was @ hm wif mi... den i wun feel so alone... though she irritate mi... bt den i reali wish she was here... keepin mi accompany... i hope she is always happy!!
piano^gal >.<
* try 2 stay happy... no matter wat!! *
thinking of you @ 2:42 PM
Tuesday, January 13, 2004
wah...sch so stress man... haiz... wat 2 do? sec4 ma... i muz jia you!!
yest did u had fun? we talked a lot... i felt like e past... i missed it... 2day suddenly didnt noe 2 talk... ur bday comin le... heez... hope can celebrate it wif u... haiz... last yr my bday i had wanted 2 celebrate it wif u oso... bt den... haiz... nvm tt is lasy yr ting le... rite? heez...
life is so suffocating... i reali tired le... veri tired of everyting... every broken promises... every quarrels in life... everyting!! i hate being lonely... bt i feel tt most of e time... mayb tt's y i cling on 2 ppl... nvm... dun wanna tok abt unhappy stuff!!
sec3's goin Germany dis yr!! wat e hell!! nt fair lo... haiz... sec4 always get all e bad tings de... wat is dis lo... they wan go oversea oso can choose other countries de ma... they gt tink hw we feel de not?? den horz... even if wan oso can next time aft we sec4 grad liao den choose 2 go ma... haiz... nt fair!! bt oh well... since when was life fair??
piano^gal >.<
-=| sometings r meant 2 b said while e rest r not... |=-
thinking of you @ 7:23 PM
Sunday, January 11, 2004
yest had choir farewell party 4 my last yr seniors... haha... had fun... makin e food n all... finally spent time wif aud n u...
we were late wor... den aft tt they tried 2 start e fire... bt had probs... lucky beside our e pit is our sch gal... we go ask her ask 1 of her frd 2 help us make e fire... den e other pit beside us e guys veri wat lo... sae we 20 over ppl still cant start e fire... cos we ask them help ma...
realised when we r not alone by ourselves we can still joke n tok... bt felt rather lonely sometimes when u r tokin 2 ur other frdz... bt wound need time 2 heal... i was v happy yest we could still joke when u came... n we wore same ting... suddenly like last time... when we all sae we tink a like cos we r 'darlings'... wat abt now?? r we still 'darlings'?? u didnt noe wat i wrote on e sand ba... cos we all wanted 2 go hm le... i wrote 'yen ching n amanda best frdz 4eva' i reali hope we will b tt way... life we haf 2 gif n take ba... tt's wat i learnt... wat i sms u yest was true... i reali missed u... did u??
when u told mi ur frd's prob... i felt upset oso... they r best of frdz... den wat r we?? guess u dun noe wat 2 sae cos we oso sth like tt?? she lost... did u feel lost when we always quarrelled?? like i sae b there 4 her... cos i noe she wans some1 2 reali care 4 her... as a frd... i juz wan some1 2 undersand mi... haiz... yest m ask mi hw i stand u, rem?? i had wanted 2 sae. last time u were not like tt... i reali dun noe if its i change or u... i dun noe... bt i wan u 2 noe... seein u upset i oso upset... i feel helpless n useless when i didnt noe wat 2 sae yest abt ur frd's prob... reali...
stop here... gotta do work le...
piano^gal >.<
laughin doesn't mean u r happy... if u laugh n u r not happy... there is no pt laughin... happiness is wat u feel deep inside u...
thinking of you @ 3:11 PM
Friday, January 09, 2004
i didnt mean 2 hurt u... bt u noe?? we both sae we wanna b closer... bt wat we r doin proves us differently... i dun noe wat u r tinkin anymore... i dun noe hu u r anymore... ppl change... yes... mayb i changed... bt now u r a diff person fr who i noe last time... mayb u r u... juz tt i didnt noe...
life moves on... i dun even noe wat we r anymore... frdz mayb... or strangers?? i dun noe... im feel so diff now... so unlike myself... i laugh... bt i dun laugh happily anymore... there is sth tt is in e back of my mind... e laughter we haf shared... e joys... wat happened?? i didnt noe... mind tellin mi??
i noe u hurt as well... mayb feel like i do... bt we dun share wif each other... we dun haf e communication... haiz...
piano^gal >.<
life r full of choices... choose them correctly... or u will regret!!
thinking of you @ 9:21 PM
Sunday, January 04, 2004
tml gg sch again... sianz... den muz stay back 4 choir... oh well... life is like repeatin itself fr last yr... heez...
bt dis yr seems diff... fri went back sch... i felt sth missin... we when r 2gether... do u feel slience?? hmm... like we dun haf tings 2 sae... or mayb we haf bt den nv sae... did u feel like tt?? hmmm... hope we can get beta...
2004... graduatin fr sec sch... o level... blah blah... hope can do well n get into e place i wanna go...
piano^gal >.<
some memories r painful even if they r happy...
thinking of you @ 3:07 PM
Friday, January 02, 2004
2day 1st day of sch... no lesson!! heez... gt quite meesy la... bt i tink it was still ok lo... heez... hmm... mornin aft assembly when hall... den gt a speech fr mrs chan...n ms chow i tink... heez... den go back class... my new form teacher is Mrs Deborah Tan... sad tt we change teacher lo... Mrs Khoo not even our teacher i tink... sad... bt tt's life... bt ok la... Mrs Tan quite ok lo... heez... haf 2 get use 2 her... my co-form is a new teacher... Mrs Xavier (oops... did i spell correctly?sori)
recess didnt spend it wif u... aft sch... went home wif u... as in walk 2 e bus stop... happy tt it was still tt way... gif mi time k? i will try 2 spend more time wif u...
sch start means less com... i hope i will not use tt much of com le wor... haha!! k la beta stop here...
piano^gal >.<
study hard every1!!! jia you esp those takin o level!!
thinking of you @ 2:32 PM
Thursday, January 01, 2004
2day is 1st jan le... so fast 1 yr passed...
rem last yr when we gt tt close... nth cld tear us apart?? so close tt we did so many tings 2gether... u asked if it was worth it 2 let go cos of him... i said no... i meant it... i reali dun noe wat 2 do now... im lost juz as u r i guess... both means so much 2 mi... yet i haf 2 choose... it pains mi 2 hurt both... i tink wat is pullin e gap is cos i feel awkward ard u nowadays... will u help mi out of tt awkward stage? mayb it will help save us... i miss u... reali miss u... i lost part of myself le...
a new yr means a new start... bt y doesn't it feel like its a new start?? i dun noe wat i feelin sometimes... dun noe wat r we act... r we wat we tot we r?? can u ans tt qn??
2003... so many tings happened... painful tings... happy tings... feelin so hard 2 describe... haf i grown mature?? no i dun tink i did... yet i tink i grew a little...
2004 le... o level yr... muz work hard le... lets work hard 2gether... k?
piano^gal >.<
let go when u haf 2... if its meant 2 b urs... it will come back 1day...
thinking of you @ 3:37 PM
wishing for--*
* new tops/ bottoms/ jumper
* nail polish
* new highlights for hair
* new heels
* new diary (notebook)
* have a beta 2007
* be more decisive
movie list--*
happy feet
open season
Night at the Museum
charlotte's web
eragon
= the holiday =
curse of e golden flower
= zodiac =
= TMNT =
= Ghost Rider =
= Spider Man 3 =